I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
