I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Dear god my vagina.
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