Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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