Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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