the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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