I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
