he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
