dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
