just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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