Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
