i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Randomize
