The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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