got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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