masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You dont lie about slip and slides
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
