this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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