Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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