I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
