Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
