Buhtt sex?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Quick, to the slutcave!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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