I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
