Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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