Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
