so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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