Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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