if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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