I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
