im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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