he confused my yawn for an orgasm
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
