So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
