i think my mom watched the whole time
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
