be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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