The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
