I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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