I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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