I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
