i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
