i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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