She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
