Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
