I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
