Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
