My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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