This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
