apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
