The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
