their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
