soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
