I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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