I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
now i know why i became what i already was.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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