After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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