she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
