So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
