yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
