Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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