margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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