i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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