I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
