what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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