the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
