Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
