I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
