More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Text me some of your sweat
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
