her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
